I have been thinking about a question: If a person goes too far, will he eventually lose himself? Perhaps this is the true meaning of “collapse”: it is not necessarily some kind of grand disaster, it may just be your repetition day after day, and finally disappear in a corner without being discovered, and no one knows where you are going.

That moment Xia sat on a bench at the station, looking at the bustling crowd around. In fact, there are not many scenery worth staying here. Just like his life-not worth staying, but still going on endlessly. For him, this city is like a train that never stops. Every day there will be new passengers getting on the train, and some people getting off, but the destination of the train is always unknown.

He suddenly thought, should he get off the train too? In fact, he is not really lost. He just doesn’t want to continue riding this train that is going nowhere. Looking back, when he was standing at the starting station, he was full of ideals and aspirations; but now he has begun to doubt whether this train has a destination.

The ideal he was supposed to pursue became increasingly blurred in the torrent of time, and he couldn’t even see his direction clearly. Is life really like this? It’s just standing on an endless track, staring at the distance and watching his figure getting farther and farther away?

1. Seeking meaning from boredom: In a broken world, why do we still insist?

He has been thinking about this question recently: Why should we insist? Does everyone have to insist, and even not allow themselves to doubt? You know, there are too many reasons in the world that make people doubt their persistence. Most of the time, what you do doesn’t seem to make sense. There is often a huge gap between what you want to do and what you can do in the end.

“I know that nothing in this world can shock me.” He smiled bitterly, with a tone of almost giving up.

But he suddenly thought of the light cone again. This is the symbolic “weapon” he got when he was exhausted on a strange night. The light cone looks like some kind of very mysterious item, even a bit absurd. But it appeared in his life, making him start to think about the so-called “meaning” again.

He walked towards a dilapidated station with a cone of light. The surrounding buildings were like scenes in old movies, gradually covered by dim lights. Pedestrians on the road hurried by, everyone had their own destination, but he had nothing. Everything became blurred in front of his eyes.

In fact, he didn’t believe that these empty “tools” could change anything. That cone of light didn’t have any real power at all. It was just a symbol, a kind of comfort for his inner expectation of “future” and “goal”.

2. The sense of absurdity in life: Are we all fighting for an unimportant goal?

“Don’t you think this world is too absurd?” he asked himself.

He used to believe in many things. For example, life needs a clear goal; for example, people should fight for their ideals; for example, a “magic weapon” like the cone of light must be able to play a role at a critical moment. However, reality gave him a greater irony. Every time he thought he had grasped a certain meaning, it slipped through his fingers. And he, still alone, stood in the corner of this city.

He suddenly thought of a friend he hadn’t contacted for a long time, a person who was once so full of ideals. They discussed many issues about life together, and once believed that doing what they love is the most worthwhile goal. However, a few years later, he found that the further he went on the track of life, the less he could see his direction. What about his friend? He had disappeared in that strange city and there was no news of him.

“Isn’t this the reality of life?” Na Kexia smiled self-deprecatingly.

Sometimes, the absurdity of life made him wonder if it was really worth it. He had already lost himself in this meaningless pursuit. And everything around him didn’t seem to want to remind him to get out of the fog. In fact, he was not sure whether he should get out of the fog – once he got out, he would find that there was nothing outside.

3. Another dimension of the light cone: Can you find yourself in these illusions?

The light cone was still in his hand. It did look a little funny, but he didn’t throw it away. Because it symbolized something he had not given up, even if it had become blurred.

Perhaps, the real problem is not the existence of the light cone, but his own persistence in the “goal”. He felt that he had never really had a clear goal. And all of this was lost along with the world on this never-ending railway.

He remembered a sentence he had heard before: “In this era, the most important thing is not to find the answer, but to find the adaptability to the problem.” Perhaps, that’s exactly it. The answer does not exist, it will only go with the wind, and all you can do is learn to find your own rhythm in each problem.

So, that Kexia finally decided not to wait for any bright guidance. He put the light cone into his backpack and turned to an unknown exit. Although the exit was not bright, even a little dim, he was not worried. Because he knew that life did not need to be as bright as the light cone, forever. As long as you can find the direction in the dark, it is enough.